I look at life and people through a lens that includes God.  I believe God is present and active in the world and in our lives, often in miraculous ways!  When someone is a Christian and wants faith included in the counseling, I usually pray in session and often refer to scriptures. As with many therapists who are “wounded healers,” I can usually meet clients where they’re at. Because I’m licensed, I’m familiar with many counseling approaches, and I integrate my favorite secular counseling models and techniques that agree with Scripture. As much as you want me to incorporate faith into the counseling, that’s fine with me! But I do counsel atheists, people from other faiths, and people who are on their own faith journey. If this is you, I’ll use secular principles and techniques and will remain objective and non-judgmental. Keep in mind that I love and enjoy people, and as hard as counseling can be, sometimes it’s fun!

I’ve counseled many pastors (and I’m an ordained pastor), and believe me, they struggle with difficult issues, as we all do.  Pastors especially may want to read my article on Crosswalk.com. It’s called “Pastoral Infidelity: Problems and Solutions.” Of course, being vulnerable to unfaithfulness is an across-the-board human problem, and it’s not an uncommon issue in couple counseling. The article addresses the important issue that pastors are not immune from this one. And risk factors that are mentioned in this article apply to almost anyone.

I’ve been spiritually wounded myself, so helping people with this kind of pain is part of what I feel called to do. I reviewed two books that relate to spiritual wounding. The reviews are informative and can be found on Amazon.com. As a member of the International Cultic Studies Association, I was blessed that one of my reviews was also published in a recent e-newsletters. If you’ve been spiritually wounded, we’ll seek God together and help you open up to His healing power. There are many good books on spiritual abuse, but you may want to read these books I reviewed:

Wounded Faith: Understanding and Healing from Spiritual Abuse, Edited by Rev. Dr. Neil Damgaard. This book just came out and each chapter contains an article written by a different person that suffered spiritual wounding and made it through to receive healing (that usually took years).

Unmasking the Masquerade: Three Illusionists Investigate Deception, Fear, and the Supernatural, by Rod Robison, Dr. Toby A. Travis and Adrian Van Vactor

That secular counseling principles and techniques actually “work” is no surprise since God established them. As with most therapists, whether or not they know they’re biblical concepts, I make use of all of them at one time or another. I’ve made a list of many of them, and there are many more!

As I walk into my office with a stressed-out client, I sometimes say, “Come into the decompression chamber!” We all need to “decompress” at times, and that’s no joke. Life’s stressors are here to stay! And just as the goal of solving an anxiety issue is to manage and lower it, so we want to manage ourselves in order to lower the stress we experience. In managing ourselves, and to some degree our circumstances, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy is extremely useful to help “rewire” our brain with truthful, rational, and calming thoughts. Neuro-scientists call the brain’s ability to do this “neuroplasticity.”

I’ll help you sort out what’s in your “circle of influence” and what’s in your “circle of concern.” When we spend our energies on what we can influence, the circle expands. When we spend them on what we’re concerned about (but cannot influence), our circle of influence shrinks.

Because we hold stress in our bodies as well as our minds, I teach relaxation exercises, mindfulness techniques, and different ways to regulate our emotions. Other important interventions include strengthening our relationships, growing in our spiritual life, strategizing for difficult situations we know we’ll be facing, gaining self-awareness, and accepting our limitations. Actually, the list is longer than this, but I go with the flow in helping each client stop “urge surging,” depending on the causes of stress. Everything I said in my summary of treating anxiety applies to treating a client’s vulnerability to stress. Medical attention and lifestyle changes are sometimes recommended.

Here’s a podcast that relates to de-stressing that I did with Dr. Roger Barrier: “Forgiveness, Worry, and Loneliness”

Have you ever said this to your partner? “I’m not sure that what you think I said is what I think you think I said?” Maybe you’ve never put it like that, but these kinds of misunderstandings are often the least of daily problems with couples who struggle. Where two people once complemented each other, they often find themselves in frequent conflicts. I help couples understand their conflicts as “loops,” and I equip them with “loop busters.” If you and your partner have loops that get on you, you can defeat them and make your marriage work!

Because loops are usually symptomatic of unmet relational needs, I also help couples to proactively meet these needs. While sorting through issues—both couple problems and sometimes personal ones—we’ll work together to move from busting loops to building your relationship and improving relationship satisfaction. We may also look at John Gottman’s “four horsemen.” These are negative attitudes and communications that Gottman’s research indicates can take any relationship down. Best of all, I’ll work with you to develop the healing antidotes!

Couple counseling can be very difficult work, but in our sessions, I’ll help foster an atmosphere of comfort and acceptance. There will probably be times when I help us “lighten up.” Sometimes even fun just happens!

Here’s a link to a short blog I wrote that will give you a more complete explanation of loops.

Here’s a list of characteristics of both a healthy and unhealthy marriage. Most people I counsel have many traits of an unhealthy marriage (that’s why they seek marriage counseling!). I’ll work with you to try and make yours a healthy one!

Dealing with anxiety has been a battle through much of my own life. Through hard work, time, and God’s healing, I’ve mellowed out quite a bit over the years, and you’ll find that I help provide a calming atmosphere in our sessions.

To combat anxiety and related problems, I combine Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with increasing awareness of what’s happening in your body and soul, helping you live more in the here and now, helping you be a better friend with yourself, and helping you with spiritual growth. CBT, mindfulness and relaxation exercises, emotional regulation techniques, and sometimes medications your physician can prescribe are effective ways to defeat anxiety.

Oftentimes, I help clients heal from wounding from the past, and I help them make re-decisions about negative messages received in childhood—or abusive relationships—that enabled their survival. The article and podcasts listed below are explanatory of the CBT model and multiple techniques to defeat anxiety. I understand now more than I did then some principles of attachment theory and the effects of trauma, which are helpful in my approach. But I do not treat what we call serious “complex trauma.”

You may benefit from reading my article on PreachItTeachIt.org: “Anxiety Gone! Healing Worry and Faulty Thinking.”

Dr. Roger Barrier interviews me in many podcasts. These two light-hearted discussions offer a variety of CBT techniques to defeat anxiety:

Part-1 of the anxiety podcasts is “Identify and Beat Anxiety”

Part-2 contains a ton of techniques to defeat anxiety “Methods of Defusing Anxiety”